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I AM YOUR TOY,

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2005.11.26  23.27
add me

I'm done with this Livejournal. Add my new one. 14327

 
 


 
  2005.11.04  11.34
PLEASE

I CURRENTLY HAVE MONO, A BROKEN FINGER, AND A BROKEN HEART. SOMEONE PLEASE FIX ME.

SOMEONE PLEASE CALL ME I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME, DON'T LIKE ME OR WHATEVER, BUT PLEASE IF YOU AT CARE ABOUT ME EVEN A LITTLE BIT PLEASE CALL ME. I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

310 617 2574

 
 


 
  2005.10.10  17.53
"R.I.P. Snickers millipede. We will miss you."

Ew, most of the people on Myspace are so gross. Like the ones that have all that pimped out shit on their page and have like 2,000 friends that they don't even know half of. Sometimes it's funny looking at their myspaces.

Today I had a HORRIBLE day in Cermaics, as Reby was one to witness. I have to re-do everything Wednesday at lunch, and I am not happy at all about that.

The Kg visited across the street today at lunch which was a lovely, lovely surprise. Everyone was so glad to see her, as was I.

Tomorrow is the Orange/American Eyes show. I'm happy. I get to leave school early too! The next day we take the PSAT's but obviously I have my priorities all planned out as you can clearly see. Wednesday I think I might possibly be going to the Clear Static/Miss Kitten show also, which I am completely ecstatic about if I am able to go. Then on Thursday we have no school thanks to my Jew friend, Reby and on Friday I am going to The Outline show at the Troubador. Yeah, I'm kind of liking this week.
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Mood: relaxed
 
 


 
  2005.08.02  23.15


Fuck this.

 
 


 
  2005.07.22  21.56


comment and post a thought, confession, secret, ANYTHING, anonymously or not.
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Mood: calm
 
 


 
  2005.07.05  19.37
FORKS

10 bands/artists I love

1 The Doors
3 Pretty Girls Make Graves
4 Regina Spektor
5 Cat Power
6 David Bowie
7 Nek (Amor Imenso)
8 The Unicorns
9 The Pretenders
10 Orange!

9 things I like to eat/drink

1 Diet Coke in the bottle
2 iced tea
3 lettuce wraps
4 subway
5 Pasta
6 alcholic beverages
7 lemons
8 cucumbers
9 poop

8 things I like to wear

1 shirts
2 skirts
3 underwear
4 sweaters
5 vests
6 no shoes
7 towels
8 smiles

7 things I like to do for fun

1 shop
2 play
3 climb trees
4 laugh
5 get in fights
6 nap
7 swing

6 people that mean a lot

1 kg
2 mom
3 marynanie
4 sophia
5 yoz
6 tillie, lucy, louie, ella, pickle, alice, beast, blackie, mohawk, star, SIMBA!, butter, bear, YAZI (r.i.p.)

5 things I will not do

1 date someone who can't make me laugh
2 say I love you and not mean it
3 pee in bushes
4 be mean
5 turn into a ho

4 things I just don't understand

1 Cancer's (horoscope)
2 school
3 people
4 everything

3 random things about me

1 I wish I had freckles
2 I like bunnies
3 You shouldn't be friends with me cause I'm weird.

2 of my favorite stores

1 Slow
2 Rite Aid

1 thing worth waiting for
1 Love



Mood: pleased
 
 


 
  2005.05.16  21.45
A letter for my thoughts

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Mood: creative
 
 


 
  2005.05.09  17.06


ASLSHFDKJGKREJGIOWH. I hate my life.



Mood: crushed
 
 


 
  2005.03.26  22.45
THIS is the KG

march 24 was my best friends birthday, so i thought id devot a post on her lj to her 16th bday.

here she is:
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Here are the things that she loves:

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AN ODE TO KATE
she is my best friend, my first love and possibly my last. i love her more than any person could love another. she is my sole reason for staying alive. she is the most gorgeous, talented, amazing, funny, fun, sweet person ive ever met. she deserve so much more than anyone can give her, how unfair this world is to her. she exceeds every standard that this world sets for her. i would do anything for her, i would do anything to please her, make her smile, make her giggle. she is sixteen this week, and her pontential has flourished in front of her. i love her, and anyone who knows her loves her.
-love,
KG


 
 


 
  2005.03.24  22.17
from KG

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THIS IS FROM THE KG!!!!!

 
 


 
  2005.01.26  21.42
Fob, Fernando, Octavian, George.

I like code names. Someone please tell me a joke so I can laugh. Haha.





Mood: numb
 
 


 
  2005.01.23  21.43
i'd like to see you undone.

Ew, I'm so ugly. Ewwww.
Do this anonymously

1. One secret.

2. One compliment.

3. One random thing

4. One love note.

5. Lyrics to a song.

6. How old you are.

7. How long we've been friends.

8. And a hint to who you are.




Mood: horny
 
 


 
  2005.01.19  19.24
it's pretty outside

I am in love with this weather. It reminds me so much of summer, and how much I want school to be done with. I am so over Archer. Hopefully Venice next year. Thank god. I can't deal with these shitheads. I need new people. I'm so sick of everyone talking about one person in particular. All we do is talk about them and it's so annoying, and they are the biggest fucking douche, shithead I have ever met. GRRR. It makes me quite upset. Today I left chemistry and went in the bathroom and just jumped and stomped on the ground I was so frustrated. Today, I noticed how different people seem like when you step back and like observe them. You see a diferent side to them. It's kind of scary. Anyways, I wish people would be more happier. I need to laugh more. I also need to take pictures for photography. I hate school, and if it wasn't for this weather I'd be in the worst mood ever. The weather just makes me happier. I've noticed how people are also quite rude. Girls are so brutal. Everyone is like permanentely PMSing. It sucks. I really want a keyboard and a black bunny.

I stole this from the KG who stole it from Noah.

out of 70 of you...

I've met 55 of you.
I love 8 of you
I have been in love with 2 of you
I hate 1 of you
I dislike 5 of you
4 of you are bi
2 of you are gay
I respect 30of you
I've been attracted to 10 of you
4 of you were a mistake of the above
I regret adding 3 of you
I think 11 of you are the coolest people I'll ever meet
I don't think that 2 of you like me
I'm really close to 4 of you that I know are always there for me
I would like to get to know all of you better
I wish I could hang out more with 13 of you
I want to leave none of you behind

P.S. Today these people came to our school and did a play about AIDS. K, bye.



Mood: bitchy
 
 


 
  2005.01.17  14.33
I'm in heat

1. Comment and I'll pick a few of your LJ interests and draw you a picture, using the mighty MS Paint.
2. You have no say in what I draw you! Or in how much it will suck!
3. Put this in your journal. And the pic someone drew for you.




Mood: curious
 
 


 
  2005.01.15  20.14
acrimony

This week was shitty, but I liked today.
Taking the bus, eating bagels, clothes, the hunt for cinderella,
roses, mexicans on motorcycles, snakes, chai lattes, the hunt for cinderella
peeing in parking garages, bumping heads, walking, coughing, sneezing
dogs, blankets, gum, goosebumps, phone calls, sleep.
being happy.
but,im sick, but it was a good day
you will move
with me we will
stay still and
words will move around us.
surround us in gold
and in our world
we will be
silent.
you will swim
to me we will
be free
and words will move around us
swim around us
surround us in schools
and in our cool
we'll be reminded.
that you refuse to fade away
i hide to stay the same
where do we go from here
i don't know.
for me you flower to be chosen
i fall down to be noticed
where do we go from here i don't know.
it was a time
a way of life
the only secrets
we talked about
were all the fears
in all these years
we spent together




Mood: sick
 
 


 
  2005.01.11  17.49
this is our emergency

Yesterday, I walked in the rain and then came home and fell asleep on the floor, I woke up and threw up. It was quite nasty. I think I am getting sick. Then it was quite an emotional night. I'm very stressed out.

Today I took the bus and then walked to the kg's house and then we went to Ihop. After that we took the bus too Venice High only to find that they had gotten out early. It made me realize how much I miss it when we used to visit and when I actually had a reason to visit. It was nice though just to be there again. It made me remember happy times of visiting. We went to the fiend/lesbian tree and saw "JADE+KG" carved in the tree. haha. Ran into Randy. Then walked home since no one was there and I looked through old letters Angela had written me. haha. They are quite funny.

Even though things are okay now, I feel like they're not.. like, I'm still scared. I just need to know no matter what, nothing will happen. No matter what. I just need make sure of that. I will sleep so much better and easier if I know that. I need the people around me to be happy so I can be happy too. I'm so beyond stressed right now. I don't eat, and I can't sleep and my head always hurts cause it's filled with all these negative problems. I need you to be okay, so I can be okay.

I wore Esai's shirt today and I smell like Mexicans now. Hah. I messed up my nose and my face yesterday.





Mood: stressed
 
 


 
  2005.01.10  17.30
rain rain

yesterday was pretty good and also pretty damn shitty as well. we went to the whiskey at around 1 and then waited for lina to get there and then saw ish and his band and he told me he was going to play untill verry lastt. so me, kg, ish, and lina just hung out until they went on.. i met a lot of cool people. and then they played... and WON! it was pretty damn cool. then i went home and the rest of the night just got shitty. yeah. it was really emotional and shitty. today it rained really hard and then we found out that school is cancelled tomorrow. yess. i walked home today in the rain. i started crying as i walked and then i met ish and he gave me a hug and walked me home... i was really upset and i slipped and started bleeding. great fuckin day. i hope things get better.



Mood: sad
 
 


 
  2005.01.08  18.05
happy birthdayy

Happy Birthday, Mr. David Bowie!





Mood: 89
 
 


 
  2005.01.06  19.02
she made me do this:

uno. Reply to this post with your name, because I would like to say a couple words about you.

dos. I will also tell you what song(s) remind me of you when I hear it.

tres. I will also tell you what celebrity/movie character/public person you remind me of, either personality-wise or looks-wise. 

cuatro. I will also give ONE WORD that I associate with you when I think of you.

cinco. We all could use a boost now and then, so steal this for your journal and make someone else's day as well.

 

P.S. I'm starting to draw really cool pictures. Also, everyone seems to be getting cancer lately. Perhaps I should join the club?





Mood: joonish
 
 


 
  2005.01.03  18.23
To: Fiendy Pooh From: Yoz

Yeah. I'm crying right now. My mom fucking hates me. She told me she was sick of me, and she didn't want to live with me anymore. I was reminiscing the other day about like 8th grade and 9th grade. Things were soooo much more easier and I remember being so much more happier. I don't know why this year suddenly like changed, but it's totally different. I'm scared I'm growing up too fast and I don't want to. I just need some way to like deal with being sad and stuff. I don't know what's making me sad, but sometimes I hallucinate and it's really scary.

Tomorrow we go back to school, and I'm half excited and half not. I'm kind of glad I have school because it will give me an excuse not to be around some of the things that are stressing me out right now. I wrote a poem last night. Haha. Random.

I guess things are not that bad. Perhaps I'm overreacting. I got really close to Esai and we're becoming good friends I think, even though I told him I wasn't interested in any relationship with him. He respected that and I think it's better off that way.

My arms are all bruised from Friday and my foot is infected. I threw away the KG's cigarettes today, because they were taking up space in my bad..sorry KG. My life is quite shitty at the moment, I need something to make it better.





Mood: depressed
 
 


 
  2004.12.22  23.48
DUDE...

People are such fucks. There's this one mother fucker, I'm gonna kick his ass. I wish I was a gangster cause I would seriously fuck this guy up. No one talks shit about my friends. God damn...I'd jump his ass so fast.

 
 


 
  2004.12.20  20.17
don't you wanna know how we keep startin fires, it's my desire, it's my desire!

Saturday- had to go to marynanies cause my mom went to some dinner party with her boyfriend and she says shes scared to leave me alone now. dirty was having a party next door, so i met aaron at his house, went to his house and watched him feed his cat, then walked over to dirty's to check out the party. everyone there was so stoned and so like we left and in front of his house people were like passed out on the grass. it was only like 10. haha. so then i went home and i had to spend the night so i slept on the couch.

Sunday- met up with ish. ran into jeff in a car. waited for the bus.ish started tagging on the fence at the stop and then we werent allowed on the bus. waited for the other bus. went to the promenade. went to the gap to return a sweater. went to subway. barnes and noble. walked around some more. took bus. walked home. i was so tired i went to bed early.

Today...went xmas shopping on melrose, and went to venice. god damn i spent so much money on other people. i got yoz a present, the kg part of her present and i got sophia a super fucking good present even though i'm not sure we're friends anymore. god damn... i feel like such an idiot though. i spent over $100 on her and i doubt were friends. ahh oh well. ill just drop it off maybe.

I've been having weirdo dreams lately. 2 in a row. scaryy. the kg wanted me to go up to SD with her but my mom's being a biatch and not letting me go... but im gonna help the kg sort shit out when she gets home.

i miss some people so much... it really hurts sometimes to know you will never see people that u love ever ever again. oh well i guess.

i have a headache. i'm bored.





Mood: stormy
 
 


 
  2004.12.18  12.38
3227695

this morning i had to wake up super early and meet with a therapist. she was okay. last night was interesting. haha yoz is so funny. such a fiend. we went to islands and like ran into vaneysha and her boyfriend. haha. he was pretty cute, but had a muss so yoz would like. then we made a friend name phillip. he was bi and he was quite cool. last night i think i let out most of my emotions so hopefully i wont cry that much anymore. last night i cuddled with the kg and yoz in my bed and it was nice. also, it's nice to help other people. it's nice when you recognize that you both need each other and you can both help each other in different ways. i dont really know if that came out right but i dont know. all of my friends have left kind of. so i'm kind of alone this week, but hopefully i will hang out with new, cool people. i'm kind of excited. the therapist lady was super nice and cool. she said that i need to meet new people and like adapt to different people cause i've been with a lot of the same people for too long and like it's not healthy or something. so i'm really really excited for this week. yesterday i was sad about this week, but now i'm kind of seeing a positive out of it. i get to learn to be more independant.

p.s. i might be going to venice next year.. or even this year. who knows..





Mood: hmm
 
 


 
  2004.12.14  22.10
tits out pants down overnight to london, touch down look around everyone's the same..

I haven't updatd in a while. Formal sucked. Everyone spent the night and that was fun though. We went to the Aquabats.. FUN. We get off school this Friday. I'm so excited! I need a break from like everything and everyone I think. I just need time by myself. I'm glad I don't have to worry about school and stuff for a while, though. Here are some pictures from Friday.

Johnny

me and johnny raping the kg

sophia looking pretty

johnny showered with the door open.

prettynessCollapse )



Mood: wowness

 
 


 
  2004.12.09  20.59
mark

today i saw mark from islands and i asked him if he still had the picture we gave him and he said he did and he cherished it with all his heart. hehe. my toenails are red and also tomorrow is our formal here:  and I'm going with:, , and  haha.

I hope Yoz wears her Quiencenera dress. Saturday the Aquabats concert!! I'm excited.

Who want's to come?





Mood: hehe
 
 


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